RSVP people! It’s just rude not to

Since it’s that time of year with plenty of party invitations making their way to your home, I think many of us need a little reminder about RSVP etiquette.

So back home I had a cell phone number and/or email address for just about every one of my kids friends’ parents. Relationships among the parents had been established through preschool, activities, field trips etc. When we threw a party, I had a way to reach out if they didn’t RSVP.

I get it! People are busy! We all have a million things we are trying to do. So I would send a quick text or email checking in if they were coming. After all, most birthday party places require a headcount in advance. I also need to know how many goody bags to put together (or my alternative to goody bags- that blog coming soon). And for home parties, I had a menu to plan and needed a realistic headcount so we wouldn’t be eating leftover hot dogs and chips for the next month.

But now we have relocated to a new home and the game has changed. Both kids are in new schools, and I know very few parents at both schools. I can’t just reach out with a text or email anymore.

First up was my daughter’s birthday party. I let her pick 6 friends from school to invite. I followed the school rules and sent the invitations in her folder to school where the teacher then put them in the corresponding kid’s folders. A week went by and we had only heard from 1 child. I waited another week, and then sent a follow up card to the kids who had not responded, as well as a couple of new invites since I was worried about not having enough friends at her party. We heard back from 1 of those parents. The others still did not text me with a simple “sorry we can’t make it.” It’s just courteous to let a host know! I wasn’t sure if they might just show up.

I’m sure there are parents who thought we had invited the whole class and so it didn’t matter. But Lyla had selected only her best little friends from school, and I couldn’t tell her why they weren’t coming. She seems to be well liked at school, so I didn’t think that was the issue. I was able to track down one mom at school who said they would be coming. By party day we were expecting 3, and then 2 cancelled last minute due to illness. Lyla ended up with only 1 friend from school. I was so disappointed and she was sad too. Luckily our awesome neighbor friends were all here and she ended up with a super fun party. She bonded a lot with the 1 friend from school, and they have continued a close friendship.

Next up was my son Kyler’s birthday last week. He picked 8 friends from school, and we followed protocol once again with folder delivery. This time I added a date to RSVP by the Monday before the party. Yet again, 5 parents just didn’t reply at all. He asked me if they were coming and I told him that I assumed no since they didn’t RSVP, but I wasn’t sure. Again our awesome neighbors beefed up the headcount and he had an awesome party.

We all have busy lives. I understand not attending every party your kid is invited to. However, RSVP does not mean reply if you can…… it means please respond with a yes or a no.

I’ve heard many parents complain about this issue so I felt I should bring it to light. It happens for all occasions, including weddings! For my kids, I was hoping to meet more of the parents from their schools, and create a larger community of friends here in our new home. It was a missed opportunity to start that process.

All in all, it was a lesson on expectations. I know the game has changed for us, at least until we know more people here. We were blessed in the fact that the people that came were fantastic! We made a few new friends, and both our kids were thrilled with their parties. At the end of the day, that’s what really matters.

Mutual respect is awesome- so just RSVP. Come if you can, and politely decline if you can’t. Your Mom will be proud of your manners.